Be open to friendship

“Farmers’ Market” designed by me

“Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.”

This quote is attributed to Francesco Guicciardini (1483–1540), an Italian historian, diplomat, and statesman known for his insights on politics and human nature. It emphasizes the value of friendship as a crucial part of life. When I came across this quote, I appreciated its spirit. I discovered that Guicciardini was a contemporary of the well-known (perhaps notorious) writer Niccolò Machiavelli who advocated a pragmatic or even cynical use of power to achieve ends. I hope that Guicciardini is advocating friendship as an end it itself, rather than a means to an end. That is certainly how I see the value of friendship.

I saw the above issues during a recent visit to a farmers’ market. It is a bustling scene, with vendors and shoppers. A strictly Capitalist perspective would see that scene as an arena for the selling and purchasing of items.

I prefer to take a warm-hearted Humanist perspective. The vendors there are craftspeople or farmers who genuinely love what they do. Of course they want to sell me things. But with a little gentle prompting, many are happy to share their story with me or tell me what they love about what they do. One vendor sadly said that few people take time to have a conversation with her.

I see value in the interaction between people, and the possibility of friendship.

The American psychologist and philosopher William James had something important to say about friendship.

William James viewed friendship as a crucial, cultivated component of a meaningful life, emphasizing that while wherever you are, it is your friends who make your world, and friendships (like flowers) must be actively nurtured rather than left to “grow as they will by the roadside.”

The "Will to Believe": James argued that in cases where evidence is not conclusive it is useful to work with an idea if it may bring a positive, vital value to the believer's life. He gives the case of friendship. If person X and person Y do not believe in the possibility of friendship between them, it probably won’t happen. But if person X sincerely believes that a friendship is possible, that belief creates a condition where a friendship is possible. Person Y still has the freedom to accept or reject the possibility, but at least the situation is “out there.”

The nurturing process doesn’t end once the friendship starts. Like a good garden, the flowers of friendship need attention and care. People change, circumstances change. For friendship to continue, commitment and re-commitment are necessary. Hopefully, this is a two-way street. That makes for the most enduring friendships.

So, I choose to be open to friendship and its possibility. I know that friends enrich my life, and I hope to enrich their lives. And I keep maintaining the friendships I have, because my friends are important to me.

"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities." Stephen Covey.